The deckchairs can be rearranged. An opener who averages 11.14 this year could come in. Or a middle order batsman who hasn’t scored a Test hundred for over three years could be recalled yet again – he could even keep wicket, replacing the other slightly flawed ‘keeper. Maybe 2-0 down is the time to pick the bowler who offers a genuine point of difference, or a spinner to take the burden off – checks notes – Joe Root, Dawid Malan and Ollie Robinson. But where’s the fun in that? And, quite frankly, what’s the point? England will still lose.

Much better – although equally futile, it must be said – to indulge in the fantasy of a parallel universe in which England rocked up to Australia with a team that might have been able to compete. This doesn’t have to be some kind of Utopia where cricket is on free-to-air TV and on the national curriculum, where English domestic cricket is played on pitches that encourage players to develop the skills required to succeed in Test cricket around the world. As welcome as all that would be, this fantasy only needs us to imagine that England had competent management.

First of all, imagine if England had a chief selector who wasn’t also the head coach. It doesn’t have to be Ed Smith, although some of his ideas – Jos Buttler and Adil Rashid as Test players, Malan being suited to Australian conditions – don’t look too radical now. And imagine if England had a captain who hadn’t had to learn on the job – or, if that’s impossible these days, a captain more suited to the job. A captain who knew how to get the best out of your once-in-a-generation fast bowler and leg-spinner. To be fair, imagine a captain who knew how to get the best out of any spinner.

Let’s go back to 2016. Imagine if Haseeb Hameed had been deemed to have done enough in India to not have to prove his form in county cricket. He could have five years of Test experience under his belt, this could have been his second Ashes tour. Or his hands could have been too low, and he could have joined the long list of those who have failed to fill Andrew Strauss’ boots. Either way, it would have been good to know.

It’s hard to escape the feeling that whatever the parallel universe, Rory Burns is still Rory Burns. But what if England had ignored the noise about strike rate and had the courage to stick with Dominic Sibley? After all, leaving the ball looks quite useful to Marnus Labuschagne and co. What if England had decided that Zak Crawley had the game to succeed in Australia, that his failures on Indian turners were no indication as to how he’d go at the MCG.

Imagine if England, in Tests, had got the best out of a talented generation of multi-format cricketers – as other nations manage to, it must be noted. Johnny Bairstow, Buttler, Moeen Ali, Chris Woakes and Rashid having unfulfilled Test careers doesn’t have to be inevitable collateral to white-ball success, does it?

There’s a parallel universe in which England stuck with Johnny Bairstow at number three after his last Test century in Sri Lanka in 2018. And maybe Ben Foakes keeps the gloves, too. Olly Stone is probably still injured, but imagine if England hadn’t broken Jofra Archer. Imagine an attack of Archer, Mark Wood, Rashid, Ben Stokes and one of Jimmy Anderson and Stuart Broad.

Oh, and there’s no pandemic in this parallel universe. Obviously. So Stokes wasn’t rushed back to captain a scratch ODI side. And Moeen didn’t get thrown under the bus, and Woakes didn’t get to stare at so many hotel walls. No, England are in fine fettle in this alternative reality. Happy Christmas.